Single Mother Plans Will, DNR and 18-Year-Old Raising Brother

Day 4 · 2:58:19 · Glen Motz · Nicole Sedore · Dean Allison

• 👨‍👦 Both fathers deceased; she secured her oil-field son’s agreement to raise his 11-year-old brother if she dies.
• 📝 Fridge sticky note since age six instructs calling 911 for brain aneurysm and not to revive her.
• 😢 She cries daily over despair, abandonment and financial insecurity while living as a visible ‘normal’ person.

End-of-life planning forced on children of a single injured mother.

← Coiling Surgery, Growing Unoperable Aneurysm, Ticking Time Bomb | Q&A: How do conversations go with your kids about what they’ve seen? →

Transcript

Speaker H · 2:58:19

It.

Glen Motz · 2:58:20

But that means you're a ticking time bomb. It could, it could burst anytime.

Nicole Sedore · 2:58:24

Yes, sir.

Glen Motz · 2:58:25

And if it bursts, you die.

Nicole Sedore · 2:58:26

Yes, sir.

Glen Motz · 2:58:29

And when you were describing this to me in an earlier interview, you said to me that every day you cry.

Nicole Sedore · 2:58:36

Every day.

Nicole Sedore · 2:58:38

Every day.

Nicole Sedore · 2:58:40

What you see here is who people see. But what we don't talk about is the despair, the abandonment, the financial insecurity for me and my boys as a single mother. You know, it's awful. I've had to sit down and talk with my son. Just, I've just prayed that I could make it to my son's graduation, and he graduated in June, but he has also taken on the role We had to sit down and have a conversation that if something happens to me, my 18-year-old who's working in the oil field right now, um, that he will raise my son, he will raise his brother. We have had to plan for the worst and hope for the best.

Glen Motz · 2:59:26

So I, I just want to slow this down so people understand. Because both fathers are deceased, there's nobody to step in if you die. To raise your two boys. And so you've had to speak with your 18-year-old son and get him to agree that he's going to raise his brother, who is currently 11.

Nicole Sedore · 2:59:52

Yeah.

Glen Motz · 2:59:54

You've also had to set up your will. It's not that you have anything.

Nicole Sedore · 2:59:59

I have nothing.

Glen Motz · 2:59:59

But what's there, it just makes it clear It's, yeah, to the boys so that they can, they can raise each other. And you've also had to talk to your boys about you not being revived if that brain aneurysm bursts. Can you talk about that and what the conversation is like with your boys when you have this?

Nicole Sedore · 3:00:23

Well, having to go through all of this, the only reason I have a roof over my head and my boys is my parents, because my doctor has written me off work many, many, many times. You need to take it easy.

Glen Motz · 3:00:37

You need to take it easy.

Nicole Sedore · 3:00:38

Well, I can't. I've been denied, denied disability, denied everything. Sorry, what was the question? I'm sorry.

Glen Motz · 3:00:48

Oh, no, it's perfectly all right.

Nicole Sedore · 3:00:50

I'm sorry.

Glen Motz · 3:00:51

I was just pointing out that you basically have a document saying don't revive me if that brain aneurysm bursts.

Dean Allison · 3:00:58

Yes.

Glen Motz · 3:00:59

But you've actually had to talk because there's nobody else for them to— your kids, your 18-year-old's going to have to make that decision and give those directions.

Nicole Sedore · 3:01:08

Yeah. So I don't want to be a burden on my children. I feel like a burden on my family already. And so I do not want to be revived because I don't want to be a burden on my children.

Glen Motz · 3:01:22

Right. But you've had to have the discussion with an 18-year-old. But if you get the call, you tell them, don't revive.

Nicole Sedore · 3:01:27

Yeah.

Nicole Sedore · 3:01:28

My children have grown up with a sticky note. My son was— my little one was 6. We've had a sticky note on our fridge. And I was speaking with him before I came here and asking him how this has affected him. He's like, all I know is I go to that sticky note. If mom goes down, I call 911 and I tell them it's a brain aneurysm. Hurry up, because if you take too long, she will be dead. And that is the reality of how my children have grown up in these last 5 years.

Glen Motz · 3:02:00

David, I think we do have some slides on this. Oh, I thought I'd asked you about that. Well, that's, that's okay. Um, what's been the most difficult part about this?

Nicole Sedore · 3:02:12

My mental health. Um, Yeah, my mental health. I've made a conscious decision. I'm not angry anymore, um, because if I'm angry, it just adds stress, and that's going to take away the joy that I have with my children. I try and hang on to every moment, every day. Um, my mental health, the financial insecurity— there's no stability. The denials, the gaslighting, the way I've been spoken to. Yeah. And just not knowing where the next dollar is going to come from. There's been times where I've only had money to feed my children and I don't eat. It's awful. I've been working since I'm 12. I'm a hard worker. You take somebody's health away and they can't go to work.

Nicole Sedore · 3:03:12

And I've always been the breadwinner and I'm okay with that. I've always been okay with that. I've always been able to take care of myself and be independent. And there's some days where my head is just, you know, the pressure, the pressure behind my eyes, you know, some days I feel okay, but there's no, you don't know how you're going to feel from day to day. And coming into winter, I don't know how I'm going to feel. I don't know. I'm always trying to think about that. I have nothing for my children if something happens to me. There's no money. There's a minivan with 2 years left to pay on it. So yeah, it's awful. It's just hell. I don't know if I can say that. That's what it feels like some days. And people will say, because when they appear to meet me, I have to tell everybody around me, if I go down, don't try and resuscitate me.

Nicole Sedore · 3:04:14

But people say, oh, try not to think about it. Well, I can't. It's literally in the back of my head. I can feel the construction site in the back of my head.

Speaker J · 3:04:28

Cool.

Dean Allison · 3:04:28

I want to thank you for coming today, and I want to ask the MPs if they got any, any, any, any questions. And I'll just, I'll just ask a question, Nicole.